3 moments of epiphany
as 2021 gets to become stardust
What we know and what we discover can transform who we are.
This could easily be my life motto as a curious soul. However, it turns out I kept on feeding my mind and focused too much on the ‘knowing’ part for too long. Until my mind accepted defeat and called for help. Until I discovered the connection between my mind, body and soul.
2020 was a car crash, and the only way forward was lending an ear to my body. The experience is like meeting a neglected friend of yours after decades, and rejoicing at the revelation that she is your genuine companion.
When we own our story, we can rebuild and find our way through the pain.
Well, I will not sound inspirational on this one: owning your story is TOUGH.
That time when I hurt a long time close friend without intending. The facts on the table: She’s hurt and I can not change that. I’ve messed things up with good intentions and horribly executed plans. This loss makes you question what you could have done differently all along: the hindsight is a mixed blessing.
I sat there thinking “what good will owning the story do?” Just to realize I can only change the things I fully accept. To this moment, I accept that there might not be a happy resolution here. And it pierces me with sadness. I own my responsibility rather than repeating the story on my mind. I sense the sorrow of a lost friend (so far).
And there’s still foggy days when I do not own my story.
My authentic self can only be seen when I respond without getting lost in fear.
When you are waiting to hear news that will change your life for a while, and you find it hard to focus on anything else. All the signals from your senses and all external stimuli just seem to be the background for this suspenseful episode. I had heard and said to others: “The only way is through” so many times. Yet, it was more of an elaborate statement than my actual experience.
Till that time, when a wise and compassionate woman encouraged me to walk through the fire of my disappointment and pain instead of sitting by the fire and telling scary stories. And I took a chance, tired of perpetuating the same story over and over again. I did not do it on my own, to my surprise: I told my tribe that it hurts, and asked for help. The heaviness was lighter when shared. Vulnerability was shining through the cracks of a human.
We are born to create, and I created this tonight. What was in my head moved my heart. Then found its way to my hands. I’m changing with this knowledge and experience. Just like that, another night turns to day, and we all keep evolving.
